Monday, November 22, 2010

Rules of (Royal) engagement

Got a bad cold, so I'm feeling a little grumpy and jaded.
I was quite interested in the royal engagement when it was first announced, and at work argued that we should cover the story in The Independent (which is famously a royal-free zone). By the end of day one, however, I was bored rigid with the whole affair.
It's nothing to do with the couple themselves, who as far as I can tell, seem very nice, but the yards of footage and newsprint that will be taken up over the coming months with inane speculation and chatter.
Indeed, the most interesting thing about the Sky News coverage of the announcement - which consisted of a helicopter hovering over Buckingham Palace for hours on end - was that you could see how big the Palace gardens really are, and how green the surrounding bit of London is, thanks to all the Royal parks. My republican colleagues were fascinated by this, bless them.
You probably know that the souvenir manufacturers are already churning out 'Wills and Kate' mugs and tea towels and so on as fast as they can. However, no one - as far as I know - has thought about the horrendous marketing possibilities this offers the horticultural trade.
So, I would like you all to look out for the following, who will be named and shamed on Victoria's Backyard, and presented with the naffest, most tasteless Royal wedding souvenir I can find (or can bring myself to buy).

The first grower to name a rose/sweet pea/whatever 'Kate Middleton'
The first grower to name a rose/sweet pea/whatever 'Royal Engagement'
The first garden centre to stock - or set up a dedicated display of - Wills and Kate souvenirs.